This is the first short story I’ve written this year! I wrote a very short version of this sotry sometime last year. I wanted to extend on it and make it a little longer. I hope you all enjoy it. It’s a bit sad, but I like it. Thanks for reading!
Love stories are beautiful and so full of happiness. Not all love stories have a happy ending, some are full of tragedy. I would have sold my soul to have a happy ending to my love story. Sadly, that wasn’t in the cards. This is the story of my first love.
The first time I laid my eyes on her. I knew she was the one. She was beautiful beyond measure and had the sweetest smile. Her hair was the most beautiful color, it was brown and curled for days. Her eyes were the richest brown color I had ever seen, they looked like brown agates. Her nose was the cutest I had ever seen. Her lips were voluptuous and seemed to always be smiling.
I had taken notice of her when I started college. She was in my biology class, she always seemed to know the answers to all the questions. One day, I decided to talk to her. Talking to her for the first time was the boldest thing I had ever done. I was the most nervous I had ever been. I introduced myself and ask her for her name, she giggled and said “Carmen”. Her voice was the perfect thing I had ever heard. We started talking and we found out we had a lot in common. We both loved the same authors, music and to my surprise, video games.
Every day after that first introduction, I would sit by her in class. We didn’t talk much, of course, we were in class, it’s not like we had many chances to talk. One day she asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her. We were just going to a chain cafe, nothing special, but it was at that moment that we went from classmates to friends. To me, the first step to making friends is to actually hang out outside of school. If the only place you hang out is school, then you are simply classmates.
I ended up getting my favorite soup in a bread bowl and found out it was her favorite too. Our lunch went from a short break to a 4 hour hang out session. I ended up missing my next class and I believe she did too. We talked for hours, it was like we were soul mates just meeting for the first time. It was so perfect and I didn’t want to leave. We exchanged phone numbers and went out separate ways.
The next day when I sat by her, I felt even more comfortable with her. After class every day, we would hang out and talk about everything. One day I invited her to my dorm room to play video games. That’s when I found out how good she was at video games. She kicked my butt in Mario Kart multiple times, I think she felt bad after a while because I ended up winning the last race. I’m pretty sure she let me win. There is no other explanation.
We became close friends and I loved spending my time with her. We always talked about the future and every time I became sad, she always knew how to cheer me up. She always told me to smile, because life was beautiful. I was originally attracted to her because of her beauty but the more I got to know her, the more I fell in love with the person she was.
College went me in what seems like a blink of an eye. I graduated with honors, she didn’t. Which surprised me, she was so smart. I’m not sure how I graduated with honors and she didn’t. She got her degree and started dreading the future. She got a degree in something she loved, literature. Her plan was to become a writer and create the most amazing stories. Even though we were close. I never really told her how I felt.
We both went on to our adult lives. I found a job in my field, engineering, right away. While she struggled to land a job at all. She ended up getting a job at some coffee shop that you see on every corner. Even though we were both going down different paths, we were still close and told each other everything. I did notice she wouldn’t smile as much as she used to, but I thought that was just because of how many hours she was working. It’s hard to make ends meet when you work at a coffee shop and also have thousands of dollars in student loan debt. I was doing okay, my job paid well and I was able to find my own apartment.
I invited her to live with me. She gave me a sad look and declined my offer. She said she didn’t want me to pity her. I told her it wasn’t pitying and that I really wanted her to be happy. We shook her head and told me no again. I dropped the subject and went on to ask her about her novel she was writing. With another sad look, she told me she didn’t have time to write and that she wishes it were different.
Being a stupid twenty-something year old, I didn’t realize how sad she was. I don’t understand how I didn’t see it.
It was Valentine’s day when I decided that I was going to ask her to move in with me, not as a friend but as my girlfriend. I thought that maybe that would change her mind, I loved her very much and I wanted her to be happy. If she lived with me, then she could stop working so many hours and work on her novel.
I texted her Valentines day morning to ask her what she was doing that night. She didn’t reply. Which isn’t a weird thing. I mean she worked crazy hours and I never really knew when she was working. I decided that I would call her during my lunch break and ask her to dinner.
I called…No answer. I had started to get worried about her. She always picked up when someone called. I stupidly thought that she might still be at work. So I pushed that nagging thought to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to worry too much and seem overbearing.
When I got off work at 5 pm, I called her again. No answer. Now I thought she was ignoring me because I asked her to dinner. I texted her and asked why she wasn’t answering her phone. I drove home and changed. I thought maybe, just maybe. Her phone was dead or maybe she just wasn’t getting signal. The apartment she lived in had horrible reception.
I decided to go to her apartment. The drive over there was nerve-wracking, I was so worried about her. Maybe she had fallen and was hurt? Or maybe she just didn’t want to talk to me? Many things were rushing through my mind. When I pulled up to her apartment complex I could see the light on in her window and I knew she was home. She never left her lights on when she wasn’t home, she didn’t want to waste the electricity.
I walked up the flight of stairs to her apartment and knocked. No answer. I put my ear to the door and heard the TV. She was definitely home. When she moved into this apartment she had given me a key. I pulled that key out and put it in the door. At this point, my heart was beating so loudly I could hear it in my ears.
I unlocked the door and stepped inside. Her apartment was a small studio apartment. Her bed shoved in the left back corner with her couch at next to it. Her small kitchen was in the right back corner, while her bathroom door was between the kitchen and the front door. I noticed the bathroom light on and went to the bathroom.
Time seemed to freeze. There she was. In her bathtub. Her wrists were slight vertically. She had committed suicide in her apartment and she had meant it. My ears were ringing and I fell to the floor. How could someone who was happy most of the time do something like this? Even after knowing her for all these years, I didn’t see the pain she was in.
I went to her phone and called 911. I knew nothing could be done but I had to call someone. After they said someone was on the way, I called her mother and told her. Her mother broke down and the rest of the night is a blur. I sat on her bed as the police and EMT’s came in. They asked me questions and then took her body out of the small apartment. I was taken to the police station and questioned. I was released and I wandered around for awhile. Somehow I ended up at home. I’m not sure how.
I blame myself every day for what happened. I saw she was sad, but I didn’t say anything. Why didn’t I ask her about how she was feeling? Why wasn’t I there for her?
Her funeral happened the next week. It was beautiful. Filled with people who truly loved her. Why couldn’t she see how loved she really was? I felt numb for a long time after this. I’m not sure how I’m functioning. I miss her every day and I want her back.
I wish I had told her how I felt earlier, maybe she would have shared all her feelings with me. Maybe I would have seen the pain. Maybe she would still be here. These things will remain maybes. She didn’t leave a letter explaining why. She left a single sticky note that said, “Keep living, Be Happy, Life is Beautiful”.
I think that was her mantra, what she told herself all the time to try and ease the pain she was in. Even in the last hours of her life, she cared more about others than herself.I will never know if she loved me back, but what I do know, is that I should have told her sooner. Don’t delay telling the people you care about how you feel. You might not get the chance to in the future.