This will sound cliche, I know I’m not the only one, but this is my story about my weight issues. I was never overweight as a child, and I was only slightly overweight as a young teenager. I’m not sure when it happened, I think when I was around 15 I started gaining weight. Rapidly. I’m not sure if it was the stress from being bullied in High School or if I simply started eating more junk food. Whatever it was, I gained weight, and by the time I graduated High School I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. I would continue to break the “Heaviest I’ve ever been” record until about 3 months ago. I officially became the heaviest I’ve ever been and for the first time in my life, a doctor commented on my weight.
He was an old school doctor, and he said it would be dangerous to be the weight I am. With my family’s history of Diabetes and high blood pressure I knew he was speaking the truth. I started dieting and exercising. I knew what I had to do, I had to plan and stick with it.
Now this isn’t the first time I’ve started a “New Lifestyle” I’ve done it countless times over the years and I’ve always stopped. The reason I’ve always stopped is because I suffer from depression, I have amazing months and then I have horrible months. My depression comes and goes, but when it decides to show up it stays for a while. It demolishes my motivation and my energy. I’m also a high functioning person with depression, which means I tend to beat myself up about it. Which isn’t good either, it makes everything worse.
I knew the first step to getting my weight under control would be to finally fight my demons and try to find better ways to manage my depression. My old method of managing depression was to ignore it until I couldn’t anymore. This year marks the 10th anniversary of receiving the diagnosis of depression. I decided I needed help and I got it. I started going to the therapist and it’s helped a lot. She’s helped me understand that I’m not lazy when I can’t get out of bed during my rough months, it’s what my body is telling me I need. I need to take care of myself and make sure I’m not over working myself. If my mind tells me I need to slow down, I should probably listen. She’s also recommended that I do more of what I love and that I try to make time for myself. Even if that means breaking my diet and getting some food that isn’t exactly healthy, that I should eat it. Just not over do it, of course. She’s helped me get through my perfectionist mindset, at least a little bit. I don’t have to quit excising just because I missed 2 days, I can just go and do it. Even if my workouts aren’t perfect, at least I’m doing it and making small progress. If I eat a burger for lunch so what, just make sure to eat smaller meals to make up for it. She’s taught me not to beat myself up about things and to just move on to plan B if something happens. I think that’s really helping me the most.
I’ve had more motivation to actually stick to my plans I make for working out and eating healthy. So far, I’ve lost 5 pounds over the past 2 months. Now that’s nothing super exciting, but it’s progress in the right direction. I’ve started balancing what I’m eating. If I eat a big breakfast, I’ll have a small dinner or vice versa. If I eat fast food for lunch one day, I won’t have it the rest of the week. I’m trying to find my balance with my eating and I think I’ve found it.
I have also decided not to count my calories! Shocking! I know, but I haven’t counted any calories this past month and I’ve lost 3 pounds. Like I said earlier, I’ve been finding a balance. I know that if I portion out my meals correctly and eat the food I cook, I’ll be eating significantly less calories then if I went out to eat all the time. I love to cook and I love food, so cooking more has been great for not only my waist line but also my mental health.
I’ve also decided to stay off the scale, I weigh myself at the beginning of the month and I can see my long-term progress not just my weeks’ worth of progress. It really helps me. I honestly think I’ve found the lifestyle change for me that will help me lose weight and it makes me feel so proud.
Wow this is a long post! But it feels nice to get everything off of my chest. I hope to keep updating this and I hope it helps someone out there!